"Oh, you don't control the- of COURSE you don't! That's believable! Everything about this is believable!"

He ignores the thing about being able to return home. The universe contains magic door-stealing talking bars, which is orders of magnitude more important than whatever he had planned for that that. And the way these napkins are talking, he's going to have to work at getting any answers.

"What do you mean you couldn't begin to tell us? Where did you come from, then? Who installed the magic talking napkin bar, huh?"