I assure you that I have none of the malicious motives you're attributing to me, nor does it amuse me to see you upset, says the bar. Your foundational assumptions work only locally, and you have left your locality.

"Don't be a jerk to the nice bar," says the girl. "There's no 'mon in your entire world? That sounds... super different. Huh." She scritches her critter. The critter makes noises.