in spite of a nail

[cross_and_bow]

Bella wakes up in a house she's never seen before that has to violate six building codes and an air quality regulation. There's furniture - abandoned, crappy furniture - but she's on the floor in the plaster dust among shards of glass that miraculously haven't cut her. She's got her cross on her neck but no crossbow, no stakes, and she feels like she's moving through gelatin. She's not sure if she could stand - she used to be able to stand! - let alone walk, let alone kick a vampire in the chin.

Oh, fuck, what happened, the last thing she remembers is -

- her birthday magic teacher clearly not being Giles's present after all, stupid, stupid -

- she doesn't seem injured. There's a tender spot in her arm but no bruise, just - is that a needle mark. Oh, powers that be fried on a stick.

She shuffles on her knees over to the door, slowly, slowly, sneezing. She tries the knob. It doesn't work - she thinks that's a lock and not her kittenish weakness. Well, of fucking course, you don't dump incapacitated girls in houses and leave the door open, but she had to try. She tries a window. It is also locked, what the fuck kind of house locks from the outside like this, and painted shut to boot. She could punch right through the glass if -

She can't punch through the glass.

Maybe among the debris on this floor is something she can improvise into a lockpick. She's acquainted with the theory, just because she keeps having to break doors down -

Comments

[cross_and_bow]

"Me. And my key to the morgue."

[eversomuchfun]

"And who are you, with a key to the morgue and a name sufficient to extract useful intervention from Sunnydale emergency services?"

[cross_and_bow]

"My dad's a cop and he knows all about the sacred calling."

[eversomuchfun]

"Hah. You know what, I think I'm reconsidering my objectives."

He pulls a laser pointer from his pocket and flicks the beam across his fingers, producing a quiet sizzling noise and a perfectly straight burn like he slapped a red-hot wire. Then he twirls the laser pointer theatrically and tosses it to her; it lands on the floor, within easy reach. "See if you can lift that."

[cross_and_bow]

She picks it up. "Um."

[eversomuchfun]

"Yes?"

[cross_and_bow]

"What is it?"

[eversomuchfun]

"Ultraviolet laser pointer, what's it bloody look like?"

[cross_and_bow]

"Well, it doesn't look like an insta-kill, as per your hand, so even if I assume that you're some kind of exotic breed of suicidal vampire if you change your mind mid-lasering I have a problem, and I don't know why you might be some exotic breed of suicidal vampire well enough to guess if it'd persist."

[eversomuchfun]

"At this range you could burn most vampires no trouble, even in your current kittenlike state. I'm not most vampires, of course."

[cross_and_bow]

"I did notice that. Which makes me a little iffy on killing you, at least in a hurry."

[eversomuchfun]

"If I had to guess, I'd say you heard about me on the news," he adds. "Probably went something like, 'gruesome murder of eighteen-year-old engineering genius Tony Stark and even more gruesome murder of family friend and former guardian Obadiah Stane; Tony's eccentric twin brother wanted for questioning'."

[cross_and_bow]

She blinks at him. "...British accent suggests eccentric twin."

[eversomuchfun]

"Very eccentric. Not technically a twin as such, but that's a somewhat longer story."

[cross_and_bow]

"Even if I burned you to a crisp right now I wouldn't have a way out of the building until my drugs wore off anyway," she points out.

[eversomuchfun]

"But by my best estimation you'd have cleared the test," he says. "Which may not apply if I break down the door for you."

[cross_and_bow]

"If keeping you talking until I'm at my usual strength and then breaking the door down myself doesn't constitute a win, then this isn't a test in the first place, is my point. And exhibiting this strategy will be a lot more boring if I have to sit here without anyone to talk to for that long."

[eversomuchfun]

He snorts.

"How may I entertain you, then?" he asks dryly.

[cross_and_bow]

"Tell me your long story," she suggests.

[eversomuchfun]

"Once upon a time," he begins, "there was a lonely young genius by the name of Tony Stark, who first wrote a functioning artificial intelligence at the age of eleven and then cloned himself at the age of twelve, ostensibly to see if he could but actually because he had exhausted all other avenues in the search for an intelligent creature who would love him back. He made a laughably awful parent, so much so that the clone grew up without a name and had to scrounge one out of a book."

[cross_and_bow]

"This is the first time I have ever felt awkward about asking personal questions of the undead."

[eversomuchfun]

He cracks up.

[cross_and_bow]

[eversomuchfun]

After a minute, the giggling subsides.

"Shall I continue?"

[cross_and_bow]

"If you don't mind, but only if you don't mind."