barring emergencies

[the_very_best]

Bella's not sure where she has wandered. She thought she was about to walk into a shop, but this appears to be an unattended bar. With none of the windows associated with the shop she thought she was entering. It could be an elaborate psychic assault of some kind, but it doesn't feel very... assault-y... and she was in the middle of a town and doesn't think any humans want to sic their 'mon on her. It's strange. She approaches the bar, looking around warily, hand hovering near her belt.

with Max (Benedict)

with Earth and Lightning (kappa)

with Ann and Sabrina (kuuskytkolme)

Comments

[alicornucopia]

Of course. Here is just such a thing.

[unblinkered]

"Good, thanks, so I'll just read off something at rand-"

Oh. Wait. There is a flaw in this experimental setup. A flaw that reads "Where is the nearest restaurant? <-> Where is the nearest restaurant?"

"That's... this is not going to work."

[small_magics]

The elf giggles.

[unblinkered]

"Okay, this can still work! I... well, maybe. Uh, Bar, does... if I take this book and sort of... lean out the door, so the book is outside, in my world, and read it from there, or... if I hold it open with my foot and stand out there and... question is, what's the limit of the translation effect?"

[alicornucopia]

If you lean out the door, says Bar, with the book beyond the threshold, it will not be translated anymore.

[unblinkered]

"That's... unexpected, actually. It means... that it's the book being translated, not my brain seeing the words differently. Which... if two people can read the same book at once, it'd mean they'd see... well, never mind. Let's test this."

He walks up to the door and covers the English half of one page, then holds the book out the door and... oh. Right. Russian uses a different alphabet. He sits down and pores over the pronunciation guide for a minute, then selects a different random word.

He strolls back up to the bar and declares "картофель!"

[small_magics]

If you want one, the bar says, you may have to produce a complete sentence and a quantity of money depending on how you want it cooked.

"Potato," says the elf. "Perhaps there is a purpose to this exercise that eludes me."

[unblinkered]

"Potato," he repeats. "So this place translates whether or not anyone in it actually knows the meaning of the word. But," he continues, "If I say-" he rattles off a string of gibberish- "- then it's not going to mean anything, even though somewhere in some universe it probably sounds like something in their language. So it knew "potato", it knew that was Russian, because..."

[small_magics]

"I suppose this would be interesting if you hoped to exploit the environment to evade large amounts of difficult translation work," says the elf. "It seems unlikely to matter for the purposes of casual conversation; it is a highly effective utility and cannot be brought home, so..."

[unblinkered]

"No, you don't understand! This... it means something's watching, it can infer things from context! There was no Russian-knowing mind here, just like there's no gibberish-knowing mind to translate the gibberish- but it knew anyway! There's just the dictionary- it can see, oh, he was using a Russian dictionary, so he spoke something in Russian... Bar, I'm assuming you don't handle the translation yourself?"

[alicornucopia]

I do not, but I am, technically, a Russian-knowing mind, chides the bar.

[unblinkered]

"...hm. Yes. I mean... well, you... you're also presumably a gibberish-knowing mind, right? Some species of alien or alternate human from one of those infinite universes probably has a word that sounds like- um, what was it, a znorfblarg or whatever I said. They're just not here. So... does it... does it pull all the languages from the world a customer comes from, or... did you learn Russian when you materialized that dictionary?"

[alicornucopia]

I already knew Russian, I assure you, says the bar.

[unblinkered]

"Hhhhhuh. I assumed... if you don't... you remember every language you learn? I- right, I was thinking of you as human, limited memory... is it possible for you to materialize a dictionary in some language you don't know, and see if it has the same result? Or do you know every language in your library?"

Mumble grumble flawed experimental design grumble hrumble.

[small_magics]

I know all of the languages I have ever heard of, and I am not now and have never previously been a human. My memory is not perfect, but it is not limited in language capacity.

The elf is peering at his napkins curiously.

[unblinkered]

Max takes that as a not-a-demand-for-information, and slides the used napkins down the bar.

"Do you- I mean, I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess you don't have any idea why a magic pub would be interested in having you here."

[small_magics]

"I have no idea," agrees the elf. She flips through the napkins, then pulls out a notebook and starts taking notes. "But I do not object to the opportunity to explore it."

[unblinkered]

"Yeah, well." He rests his arms on the counter. "I've been here for hours- mostly reading about physics- and nothing's given me any idea why this place is here. Someone's powerful enough to build a bar that can open into arbitrary locations and times in multiple universes, has an agenda secretive enough that they don't even tell the bar why it exists, automatically translates all languages perfectly, can materialize whatever it wants, and... and I can just leave whenever I want! I should... I ought to be being manipulated into something, right? Who goes out of their way to make... this, if it's not to..."

Max makes a weary noise and slumps back in his chair.

(And subsequently realizes it's a barstool, and struggles to regain his balance.)

[small_magics]

"It seems a kindness. Perhaps not a kindness of perfect efficiency, but few are. There need not be much agenda involved."

[unblinkered]

"Ha! Haha, oh, wow, hahahahah-" and, he loses his battle with gravity.

"I'm okay! I'm fine." He climbs back onto the stool, giggling softly.

[small_magics]

"This makes good hearing. It is not my wish to do you harm."

[unblinkered]

"So, yes. A kindness, heh. If there's someone powerful enough to cross between universes, build consciousnesses, universally translate, and create anything they like on the spot... whatever this is, it's intentional. There has to be a reason for this beyond... some kind of benevolent whim. Nobody goes to the trouble of getting that kind of power just to do something like this."

[small_magics]

"Not all power is intentionally sought. You seem to be willing to take the bar's word for it that her own considerable ability is something she began with."

[unblinkered]

He rolls his eyes.

"I'm not taking her word for anything. I just don't have enough information to figure out what she's more than likely lying to cover up. All I've got to go by is what these napkins say, and these napkins say she's got shadowy superiors who don't tell her anything. Not like I have leverage to make her stop feigning ignorance if she is."

[small_magics]

"If you believe this establishment is so so sinister, you could, you have mentioned, leave rather than risk participating in its agenda."