barring emergencies

[the_very_best]

Bella's not sure where she has wandered. She thought she was about to walk into a shop, but this appears to be an unattended bar. With none of the windows associated with the shop she thought she was entering. It could be an elaborate psychic assault of some kind, but it doesn't feel very... assault-y... and she was in the middle of a town and doesn't think any humans want to sic their 'mon on her. It's strange. She approaches the bar, looking around warily, hand hovering near her belt.

with Max (Benedict)

with Earth and Lightning (kappa)

with Ann and Sabrina (kuuskytkolme)

Comments

[the_very_best]

Of course you can choose your drink. Your sandwich will be $3.55.

Here is the sandwich! It is on nice toasty crusty bread and the cheese is melting and there is also a pickle spear on the side. And here is the tea.

"Can you charge my Pokétch?"

Yes.

"I would like a loaded omelette, I'm not picky but no meat," says Bella, "and a lemonade."

¥130. And here is the omelette, full of cheese and leeks and bits of crispy potato and tomato.

[can_i_stay]

Ann takes the sandwich and her tea, sits down next to Sabrina and bites down.

"This is literally the best sandwich I've ever eaten."

[can_i_help]

"That's nice. I'm bored again."

[the_very_best]

"You do drinks and food and cards," says Bella, after taking two happy bites of her omelette while sitting at the bar, "what else do you do?"

More or less anything that is nonmagical, nonliving, harmless, and medium-sized.

"...Ooh."

[can_i_help]

"Oh come on, this is where I draw the line. There's no such thing as a categorically harmless thing. You can strangle a person with almost anything, you can break a glass and use it as a knife, you can bludgeon a person to death with anything hard. A candy bar can be used as a killing weapon if the victim is allergic to nuts."

[the_very_best]

There is still a difference between a knife and a candy bar, which I enforce when selling things.

[can_i_help]

"Okay, can you sell me a Pokémon?"

[the_very_best]

Pokémon are alive, so no.

"What about a Porygon?"

Still alive in the relevant sense.

"I mean, if you just want a 'mon, any 'mon - Bar, can you do currency exchange?"

Yes.

"I could lean out the door and yell at passers-by that I'll pay some ridiculous amount of money for any critter at all, but if you're from another world I'm not sure if you can train them, at least not without being really picky about the 'mon's personality. People vary in how many they can get to recognize as their trainer at once. Six is the maximum, everybody can do at least one - but that's everybody in my world. If I hand you some random Zigzagoon it might get confused and attack you."

[can_i_help]

"The way you talk about it sounds like it's not super useful. It'd just end up as Lucy's cuddle buddy, and if Lucy needs a cuddle buddy she can already dogsit. What I want is results."

[the_very_best]

"What kind of results do you need a 'mon for?"

[can_i_help]

"Good things! I want to stop racism, enforce equality, stop all wars in Middle East, and that'd be only the beginning. There's so much you can do with something your enemies don't know you have."

[the_very_best]

"Uh, even if there are literally no other Pokémon anywhere that is a major job for one trainer."

[can_i_help]

"Let me rephrase that. There's so much you can do with something your enemies don't know you have, enough creativity and the right amount of ruthlessness."

[the_very_best]

"I'm not going to help you get a 'mon so you can run around killing people, I'd need way more context to endorse that."

[can_i_help]

"Oh please. Name one major social reform that has happened without any bloodshed."

[can_i_stay]

"Sabrina, she comes from an alternate history that doesn't have animals. I don't think we have the same social issues."

[can_i_help]

"It doesn't change the human nature. Besides, when they have a world where everyone has a dangerous thing with them wherever they go there's bound to be even more violence than we do."

[the_very_best]

"Yeah, violence between 'mon. Civilized people don't attack squishy humans."

[can_i_help]

"Well, if we lived in a world that only has civilized people, that would be fine and dandy. Unfortunately Utopia means 'no place'."

[the_very_best]

"You might have to save your puns for a time when we aren't apparently under some kind of magic translation effect."

[can_i_help]

"Okay, how about 'All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.'? The world is not perfect, and sometimes violence is the only answer."

[the_very_best]

"Okay, but you are literally a random person I met in a bar. I don't know anything about what you've got going on at home. I might come through myself and have a look around and see if I could do helpful things if I could rely on the door to let me go home when I wanted, but I can't."

[can_i_help]

"Aaaargh! I hate people like you!"

[can_i_stay]

"Look, Bella, is there any way we could convince you? Sabrina has a mean temper, but she really does have everyone's best interests in mind."

[the_very_best]

"You hate people who don't give deadly weapons to screaming strangers in magic bars? What the hell kind of people do you like? I'm not feeling very convinced right now! I mean, maybe Bar can give me a course in your world's history and current events and you can lay out a plan besides - what the hell does 'enforce equality' even mean - but I can't afford to stay here forever, I can't collect on my allowance or win tournaments while time's paused, and I might have other things to do with my runway than that specific possible thing I could maybe do with access to a magic bar."