delta v over delta t when there is no t

[ertia]

In a bar, there is a girl.

She looks like she has saved up all of her decadent and slothful impulses for a solid decade and is indulging them all at once. She is sprawled on a couch with a book she's only half-reading, and an ice cream sundae, and smiiiiiiling.

Comments

[first_and_final]

He would not like any of those things, but he sure would like another hilarious list!

[alicornucopia]

Does he want to slowly disintegrate into confetti every time he moves until there is too little of him to do anything and he explodes in a shower of fireworks? Does he want to have the ability to shapeshift into whoever the person nearest him is thinking of, and be unable to turn that off? Does he want his lower jaw to be made of aspic? Does he want to cough up butterflies every time he would otherwise get the hiccups? Does he want to bleed scrambled eggs?

[first_and_final]

He does not want any of these things.

But after briefly contemplating what the experience of the first one would be like...

You know, he says to Kithabel, it occurs to me that a few of the things these magics are offering sound like things someone might want once and then cease to want later.

(He loops back for another round because why not.)

[ertia]

I'll make them cough up a reversal option for previous accepters.

Does he want to undo his silver thing? Does he want three extra sets of genitals, various? Does he want a unicorn horn and a narwhal tusk and a rhinoceros horn, all in clashing rainbow patterns? Does he want to photosynthesize when exposed to bioluminescence and find this extremely painful, if nutritious? Does he want to uncontrollably dance when he hears string instruments? Does he want to fall into a century-long sleep and wake up unharmed except for bear paws on his elbows?

[first_and_final]

Excellent.

He wants nothing, although he seriously considers the photosynthesis thing. But his fairy curse might decide it ought to make him irreversibly bioluminesce or something, and then he'd look even more like the quasi-concubine of the god of utter nonsense.

...And he totally wants another list.

[alicornucopia]

Does he want to be a throw pillow, with pretty tassels and a picture of his face embroidered on one side opposite a cross-stitch of his rear? Does he want to sprout seventeen pairs of wings, some in highly uncomfortable places? Does he want to be able to send his left hand off by itself on adventures with verbal instructions as long as the verbal instructions include that it is to slap someone hard across the face? Does he want to emit dissonant chords in a variety of instrumental sounds at noon and midnight every day, or constantly if he changes time zones quickly?

[first_and_final]

No. None of that. None of those things.

Flying in and out of magics is hilarious.

[ertia]

I'm glad you're having fun.

[first_and_final]

They're just so charmingly weird!

[ertia]

Good thing I left it in.

[first_and_final]

... He goes for another one. (They are just so charmingly weird.)

[alicornucopia]

Does he want to be a chair, upholstered in human skin, which screams when sat on? Does he want to speak in dactylic hexameter? Does he want to have a brain made of noodles which will otherwise function entirely as normal? Does he want to sprout a grape vine whenever he sits down for more than five minutes, from his right hip?

[first_and_final]

Nooooooo. He wants none of those things.

Okay, I'm all done playing with the magics. Should we leave a bead with Berete in case she needs more help later?

[ertia]

Seems like that should be standard operating procedure. Kithabel bestows and explains a bead.

[first_and_final]

And back to Milliways they traipse, now with real silver.

[ertia]

Kithabel finds him mesmerizingly beautiful anyway, of course.

[first_and_final]

Who could have foreseen this astonishing development?

[ertia]

The omnipotent sorceress is blindsided. Blindsided, I tell you.

And then: who else wants some omnipotence? Anybody hanging around the bar looking like they come from a world beset by fiends or peppered by magics or something?

[sicaria]

Here is a girl wearing a very nice grey dress with a loose knee-length skirt, standing very still by the door and looking around with exceptional alertness.

[ertia]

"Hi! Do you need an omnipotent sorceress for anything?"

[sicaria]

"That depends," she says. "What are the functions of an omnipotent sorceress?"

[ertia]

"Pretty all-purpose, really. What've you got?"

[sicaria]

"A government that needs overthrowing."

[ertia]

"Well, that might require more than the application of brute omnipotence, but I can still probably help." Hey Milan, got a government reportedly needs overthrowing.

[first_and_final]

Details? says Milan.