barring emergencies

[the_very_best]

Bella's not sure where she has wandered. She thought she was about to walk into a shop, but this appears to be an unattended bar. With none of the windows associated with the shop she thought she was entering. It could be an elaborate psychic assault of some kind, but it doesn't feel very... assault-y... and she was in the middle of a town and doesn't think any humans want to sic their 'mon on her. It's strange. She approaches the bar, looking around warily, hand hovering near her belt.

with Max (Benedict)

with Earth and Lightning (kappa)

with Ann and Sabrina (kuuskytkolme)

Comments

[unblinkered]

"What's MY explanation? What's your explanation? What's- explanation! What!"

He stares at the "It's called Milliways" napkin, in the absence of anything else that suggests investigation. Alarm is not receding, but mounting as more seconds tick by without any explanation clicking into place.

"What's going on?! Where's Brenda's? What did you do?!"

[the_very_best]

Brenda's is exactly where it was. Milliways appropriated its door temporarily, says a napkin.

"I didn't do anything!" exclaims the girl. "I walked in here same as you!"

[unblinkered]

"I was talking to the bar, not y- I was talking to the bar, jesus christ, the- how do you "appropriate the door", why would- what do you need the door for?" His eyes frantically scan the countertop for another napkin.

[the_very_best]

Here's another napkin. I don't control the door, I'm just the bar. I couldn't begin to tell you what controls its movements.

"Are we stuck?" asks the girl.

No, of course not. When you open the door it will return you when and where you left.

[unblinkered]

"Oh, you don't control the- of COURSE you don't! That's believable! Everything about this is believable!"

He ignores the thing about being able to return home. The universe contains magic door-stealing talking bars, which is orders of magnitude more important than whatever he had planned for that that. And the way these napkins are talking, he's going to have to work at getting any answers.

"What do you mean you couldn't begin to tell us? Where did you come from, then? Who installed the magic talking napkin bar, huh?"

[the_very_best]

I'm afraid I simply don't have all the information you want, says the bar.

"So there's the door thing, and there's you, and you're separate, and you do napkins and beverages, and somebody else - invites people over to partake?" says the girl.

That's about the size of it. I can produce things other than beverages, though.

[unblinkered]

"What do you mean you don't have all the information I want?! What, you're a talking bar with amnesia? You don't remember how any of this happened?"

He looks at the other napkin, and growls "...things other than beverages, well that explains everything..." under his breath.

[the_very_best]

"The bar is being very nice to us," the girl points out. "Why are you snapping at it?"

Her, please.

"At her," corrects the girl. "Things other than beverages like what?"

Virtually any medium-sized nonmagical object, although I do have to charge your tab appropriately.

[unblinkered]

"Why am I- the bar is being very nice to us?! The magic, talking, extradimensional saloon is being nice, so I shouldn't be upset?!"

He snatches the new napkin from the counter.

"Our TAB?! Any- nonmagical?! As opposed to- as opposed to...!!!"

Max would like to get properly riled up about the magic thing, but for some reason he's stuck on the possibility that he might be charged for being here.

[the_very_best]

The first drink is free, says the bar in small handwriting. And Milliways doesn't have a cover charge.

"She's being nice so you shouldn't be mean," corrects the girl. "So I could get my Pokéballs and Potions here?" she asks the bar.

Yes, although I cannot guarantee that I can offer them at a competitive price depending on whether your usual establishment is having a sale or offers other discounts.

[unblinkered]

"Wh- okay, we're back to this. The Pokémon thing. I'm led to believe that's not a real thing. I was also led to believe magic bars weren't a real thing, though, so if you don't mind clearing that up..."

[the_very_best]

"What, really? You weren't just randomly being a jerk, you actually don't know what Pokémon are?" says the girl. She pulls one of the Pokéballs off her belt, expands it to full apple size, and bounces it on the floor. It opens, there is a flash of red light, it closes and bounces back to her hand, and where it struck is a creature.

[unblinkered]

He freezes. There is a huge animal with huge claws standing in front of him. It is staring directly at him. That's... he's seen that before, Isaac wouldn't shut up about Sapphire version, that's a...

"Th-that's a goddamn Zigzagoon! How did you- where did you...?"

[the_very_best]

The girl puts the creature's Pokéball on her belt again, then picks the animal up and puts it on her lap. It curls up there happily and nuzzles her under the chin. "He used to be a Zigzagoon but now he's evolved," she says. "I thought you didn't think Pokémon were real, how did you even get that close?"

[unblinkered]

"It's a video game! That's from a video game! That's not a real thing! What are you- where are- how is this connected to the bar thing? Is this a thing from Pokemon?"

There's got to be a connection, somehow. He should have paid more attention to his kid's yammering about it... no, no, he shouldn't have, that wouldn't have been a reasonable decision given what he knew at the time. Still...

[the_very_best]

"Zag isn't from a video game, what are you talking about?" she asks, snuggling her critter.

"Oooone," agrees the critter.

"And I already told you why I don't think a Pokémon made the bar!"

[unblinkered]

"Pokemon is... its a video game, my kid used to play it, it was... you caught monsters and they fought each other, or something, trying to get batches of something. Supposedly completely fiction! Not a physically possible thing! This... has that in common with that thing. The bar thing, also impossible. There probably aren't multiple kinds of impossible coincidentally happening at the same time. So... connection! What is it?!"

[the_very_best]

"Uh..." She is now looking at Max like he is the crazy person here, but she turns to Bar. "Help us out?" she asks.

The door can lead to arbitrary different worlds, including those from which the two of you came.

[unblinkered]

Max's jaw lowers upon reading the napkin. He slams his hands on the counter and- and, there's nobody to make dramatic eye contact with on the other side, is there. Um. He stares dramatically at the, uh, napkin.

"You do NOT lie to me! Do NOT tell me lies right now!"

Different worlds, that's... even in the face of the windows, and the napkins, and the thing that isn't a Zigzagoon, this... isn't right. Not if different worlds can mean things like... like that. Something else has to be going on here.

[the_very_best]

It's the absolute truth, the bar writes as indignantly as it is possible to write.

The girl collects previous napkins into a stack and reads through them, then pulls out a notebook and starts transcribing them.

[unblinkered]

He holds the napkin up in front of his face. "It is NOT the absolute truth! That's... how do you explain- the- you can't have been- you never answered the thing about where you came from! Who are you?! Why do you think this is possible?!"

He's this close to demanding to see the manager. He has not, so far, considered the question of whether the staff have a policy on ejecting rowdy guests.

[the_very_best]

My memory is very good, but does not stretch back as far as it would have to for me to recall my origins, says a napkin. And the landlords don't tell me anything.

"Can my 'mon get free first drinks too?" wonders the girl, still transcribing napkins.

I don't see why not.

"Okay, can I get a aspear smoothie for me and qualot juice for Zag?"

A cup for her and a bowl for her Pokémon appear. The Linoone starts slurping up his juice happily.

[unblinkered]

"Guh- this! This is useless! You- either you're lying to my face and I don't have the first clue what I could do to convince you to not do that, or you're being manipulated by someone who doesn't think you'd do your job better if you were better-informed! What am I supposed to..."

He drops his hands and takes a seat at the bar.

"...I'll have a coffee. Lot of cream and sugar. Please."

[the_very_best]

Here is a lovely coffee with lots of cream and sugar.

I think I do my job very well, remarks a prim napkin.

[unblinkered]

"Your boss- or bosses- who you've never met- think it's a good idea for their clientele to show up here completely unexpectedly and against their will, with absolutely no way to find out how or why they got there? I-"

He sips the coffee. It's good.

"I'm sure you're great at, whatever this is, the serving drinks- but clearly whatever whoever made you was optimizing for... was something they didn't think you would optimize for if you knew about it."