barring emergencies

[the_very_best]

Bella's not sure where she has wandered. She thought she was about to walk into a shop, but this appears to be an unattended bar. With none of the windows associated with the shop she thought she was entering. It could be an elaborate psychic assault of some kind, but it doesn't feel very... assault-y... and she was in the middle of a town and doesn't think any humans want to sic their 'mon on her. It's strange. She approaches the bar, looking around warily, hand hovering near her belt.

with Max (Benedict)

with Earth and Lightning (kappa)

with Ann and Sabrina (kuuskytkolme)

Comments

[unblinkered]

It's one thing for a door that was supposed to lead one place to lead to a different place. There exists, presumably, a space of hypotheses to explain seeming singular discontinuities of this type. There exist markedly fewer hypotheses that explain multiple places leading to the same different place. The shrinking of the hypothesis space is both encouraging and intimidating.

But first...

"What do you mean you weren't going anywhere called- where'd you end up here from? Huh?"

[the_very_best]

"I was trying to go into a shop to get more Pokéballs and Potions."

[unblinkered]

ha ha ha the joke again ha ha ha this would be a lot more funny if he hadn't just noticed the pokéballs already hanging from her belt

There are a couple obvious possibilities. One possibility, the stupid one, is the one where she is actually a Pokémon trainer. The other possibility is that he's talking to someone who's suffered some severe mental something-or-other and has lost the ability to distinguish between reality and fantasy. Neither is reassuring.

"What..." he begins, "do Pokémon have to do with..." he fails to continue.

[the_very_best]

"Have to do with what, magically appearing bars? I don't know, I already told you my first guess and why I don't think it's quite right."

[unblinkered]

Okay this crazy person doesn't know what is going on and is probably only going to confuse him further. He ignores her answer and walks up to the bar.

"HEY! Is anybody back there?! Hello?! We're- um, you've got customers!"

[the_very_best]

The girl rolls her eyes and sits at the other end of the bar.

The bar, near where Max is yelling, produces a napkin. Of course, it reads in feminine cursive. What can I get for you today? First drink is on the house.

[unblinkered]

Napkins do not materialize out of nowhere. This is the same impossibility class as doors leading to different places. This is much less plausibly deniable than the door thing.

Max screams and recoils from the bar, failing to read what's written. "WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?! What IS that?! HOW?!"

[the_very_best]

I didn't mean to alarm you, reads a new napkin, if he reads it.

The girl seems interested in what's going on at his end of the bar; she gets off her stool and meanders over and reads the napkins.

[unblinkered]

Max reads the napkins, and processes them exactly enough to notice that they are being used to communicate with him. He does not process them any more than it takes for him to shout "NAPKINS! You're- NAPKINS! NO!"

[the_very_best]

I'm the bar. This is how I communicate, says a third napkin.

"Weird," says the girl. "Okay, where is this place?"

It's called Milliways.

The girl offers Max this napkin once she's read it.

[unblinkered]

He takes the napkin, but no, he has not calmed down enough to say anything useful.

"No, you're not! You're- those are- you can't do that! That's not- no!"

[the_very_best]

"What's your explanation, then?" inquires the girl.

[unblinkered]

"What's MY explanation? What's your explanation? What's- explanation! What!"

He stares at the "It's called Milliways" napkin, in the absence of anything else that suggests investigation. Alarm is not receding, but mounting as more seconds tick by without any explanation clicking into place.

"What's going on?! Where's Brenda's? What did you do?!"

[the_very_best]

Brenda's is exactly where it was. Milliways appropriated its door temporarily, says a napkin.

"I didn't do anything!" exclaims the girl. "I walked in here same as you!"

[unblinkered]

"I was talking to the bar, not y- I was talking to the bar, jesus christ, the- how do you "appropriate the door", why would- what do you need the door for?" His eyes frantically scan the countertop for another napkin.

[the_very_best]

Here's another napkin. I don't control the door, I'm just the bar. I couldn't begin to tell you what controls its movements.

"Are we stuck?" asks the girl.

No, of course not. When you open the door it will return you when and where you left.

[unblinkered]

"Oh, you don't control the- of COURSE you don't! That's believable! Everything about this is believable!"

He ignores the thing about being able to return home. The universe contains magic door-stealing talking bars, which is orders of magnitude more important than whatever he had planned for that that. And the way these napkins are talking, he's going to have to work at getting any answers.

"What do you mean you couldn't begin to tell us? Where did you come from, then? Who installed the magic talking napkin bar, huh?"

[the_very_best]

I'm afraid I simply don't have all the information you want, says the bar.

"So there's the door thing, and there's you, and you're separate, and you do napkins and beverages, and somebody else - invites people over to partake?" says the girl.

That's about the size of it. I can produce things other than beverages, though.

[unblinkered]

"What do you mean you don't have all the information I want?! What, you're a talking bar with amnesia? You don't remember how any of this happened?"

He looks at the other napkin, and growls "...things other than beverages, well that explains everything..." under his breath.

[the_very_best]

"The bar is being very nice to us," the girl points out. "Why are you snapping at it?"

Her, please.

"At her," corrects the girl. "Things other than beverages like what?"

Virtually any medium-sized nonmagical object, although I do have to charge your tab appropriately.

[unblinkered]

"Why am I- the bar is being very nice to us?! The magic, talking, extradimensional saloon is being nice, so I shouldn't be upset?!"

He snatches the new napkin from the counter.

"Our TAB?! Any- nonmagical?! As opposed to- as opposed to...!!!"

Max would like to get properly riled up about the magic thing, but for some reason he's stuck on the possibility that he might be charged for being here.

[the_very_best]

The first drink is free, says the bar in small handwriting. And Milliways doesn't have a cover charge.

"She's being nice so you shouldn't be mean," corrects the girl. "So I could get my Pokéballs and Potions here?" she asks the bar.

Yes, although I cannot guarantee that I can offer them at a competitive price depending on whether your usual establishment is having a sale or offers other discounts.

[unblinkered]

"Wh- okay, we're back to this. The Pokémon thing. I'm led to believe that's not a real thing. I was also led to believe magic bars weren't a real thing, though, so if you don't mind clearing that up..."

[the_very_best]

"What, really? You weren't just randomly being a jerk, you actually don't know what Pokémon are?" says the girl. She pulls one of the Pokéballs off her belt, expands it to full apple size, and bounces it on the floor. It opens, there is a flash of red light, it closes and bounces back to her hand, and where it struck is a creature.

[unblinkered]

He freezes. There is a huge animal with huge claws standing in front of him. It is staring directly at him. That's... he's seen that before, Isaac wouldn't shut up about Sapphire version, that's a...

"Th-that's a goddamn Zigzagoon! How did you- where did you...?"